Blue Toes – It’s the Little Things

Rylie’s hospital stay spanned Mother’s Day weekend. With everything going on, it was a tough holiday for me. I wanted to be anywhere but the hospital, but I also didn’t want to leave. I wanted my daughter to open her eyes and laugh at me for worrying about her. I wanted to enjoy the day with my family.

Since most of those things didn’t seem quite possible at the time, my friends and family sought a way to bring me a little space and also a way to remind me that I was loved. They knew that I needed some TLC. They knew the toll that being at the hospital was taking on me.

Mid morning on Mother’s Day, two friends came to the hospital. They’d arranged for Ziggy to be by Rylie’s side and hatched a plan to spirit me away for a bit. They brought me a cute new dress, sweater and sandals figuring it would be good for me to break me away from my uniform of yoga pants and t-shirts. They took me out for sushi and to get a pedicure.

We sat together that morning at the nail salon with the massage chairs rolling along our backs while the nail technicians worked diligently to strip away layers of winter from our feet. We talked about Rylie. We talked about Tanner. We talked about their kids and their work. In many ways, it was a normal day – just three friends spending time together and getting pampered. It was a beautiful gift for me, especially since both of these women took time away from their families on their Mother’s Day to spend it with me.

As I selected my polish that morning, I chose a beautiful shade of light blue. Rylie’s favorite color was blue. She loved all shades of blue from baby blue to teal to royal blue. When I chose blue that day, I’d hoped that I’d be able to go back to the hospital and show her my pretty toes. I figured she’d get a kick out of me breaking away from my traditional red or pink choices.

Sadly, she didn’t ever get to see the color I’d selected. I didn’t get to see her eyes light up when she realized the effort it took me to go rogue and put blue on my toes. But a tradition was born that day – one that has held steady ever since.

I have had some form of blue on my toes every day since Mother’s Day 2017. I will continue to wear some form of blue from here on out. There are days when it is bright blue. There are days when it’s denim blue. There are days when it sparkles. There are days when there’s just a speck of blue on my big toe.

Regardless of the condition of the paint or the hue, it’s a simple way that I keep Rylie close. It’s a simple way to feel her in my heart. Silly as it may seem, it’s important for me to have this tangible reminder of her spirit close at hand. For me, it’s the little things that keep her closest.