Reality is Creeping In – Again…

For the last month we’ve lived in a pseudo-reality. We came home, but meals have been delivered every few days, plans were being laid for the celebration, friends and family were visiting.

I will always consider ours a family of four, but now the reality of being three is becoming more apparent.

It’s in silly ways… like figuring out how much spaghetti to make, remembering not to buy mangos, or realizing I’m out numbered when it comes to picking a movie.

It’s in bigger ways… like realizing that I won’t be buying back to school clothes for Rylie or that Tanner is lonely for his sister and playmate.

It’s in long term ways… like realizing when Tanner has a long hockey tournament, I may be at home by myself instead of enjoying a girls weekend with my Rylie.

The reality is also that our lives have changed DRASTICALLY, but from this change there can be good.

I can choose to remember Rylie and embody the characteristics I admired in her. I can give wholeheartedly to those around me. I can give some cash to a stranger on the side of the road. I can surprise someone that has helped me with a thank you gift. I can plan ahead and try to give gifts that are meaningful and well thought out. I can pause and look for moments of fun.

I can also accept the reality that I may never have Rylie’s knack for gift giving. I may default to my inner cheapskate and skip out on an appreciation gift. But I can try.

If I can improve in these areas just a little bit then I’m honoring my little girl.

I can also accept the reality that things will not always be roses and sunshine. But it is in those cloudy moments of reality that I can cling to the rays of hope that so many have brought to light.

We are not alone. We can open up our hearts and share our moments of sadness and pain. We have people that we can call and just say nothing at all to. They will understand. They will support. They will hold, cry or laugh – whatever we need. How lucky are we?!?