It’s Okay… To Have No Filter

Gifts can come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they even come in the most unlikely packages or places.

My cousin’s daughter has one of those unlikely gifts. She has an inability to filter and therefore Rylie, and what happened, are in their family’s conversations all day long.

While I’m sure there are times or have been times that this lack of filter have seemed more like a burden than a gift, in this case it is a gift.

She doesn’t hide from questions, confusion or sadness. She just says what she’s thinking or asks questions. So their family is processing it all TOGETHER.

In situations like this, many of us get wrapped up in what is PC. Too many times we catch ourselves ‘filtering’ when we should be sharing and processing together.

There’s often that awkward moment where no one (ourselves included) quite knows what to say or do when we run into people.

Here’s where I say we take a page out of my cousin’s book. Let’s not be afraid to say or do anything. Let go of the filter and honor what we are all going through.

If a hug feels right – give it.

If it all feels like too much and you need to turn away – go ahead (we all have these moments).

If you want to speak Rylie’s name or share a memory – please do.

If you have questions – ask them.

All of these responses give us a chance to share our unlikely gift – Rylie.

Rylie may not physically be with us anymore, but there are times where it feels that she’s more ‘with me’ than ever before. Speaking her name, sharing memories, joking about the things that drove us crazy – they help us process.

And know this… We are all human. Sometimes my / our responses may not feel quite PC either. Sometimes I won’t have a filter. That’s okay.

I may ask for a hug.

I may just turn and walk away.

I may want to rehash a story that you’ve heard a hundred times.

There’s no way to know what each of us may need as we move forward. So let’s all give each other a little grace and know that we’re processing something that most of us haven’t had a lot of practice with.

One thing I’ve learned in the last month is that we can only do the best with what we have.

Rylie would have told you that she was “never good enough”. She always wanted to be more for more people and make them happy. But look at what a gift she had been for so many.

So I hope to stop trying to be more and just will be – because that is enough.