Lessons from the Ocean

I’ve always known that it’s important to make memories and now that lesson has a new level of meaning. Memories of Rylie are her legacy to us. We wrap ourselves in memories of her – good and bad – daily.

These memories have a tendency to wash over me in waves like the ocean. They can start slowly during those quiet times when I first wake up, or lay in bed ready to sleep. They can come faster, when triggered by a smell, a sight, a song, or an event. Sometimes they come unbidden and crash over me. But each time they come, I’m grateful for the connection and the moment to hold her close.

It is because we know how important memories are, that we decided to take a trip to the West Coast. We are working to make more memories, as a family of three….

Before we left, Tanner expressed feelings of guilt for getting to do all the things Rylie wanted to do, but never got the chance to. I’ve thought the same thing many times, as it relates to this trip or just as it relates to continuing life without Rylie.

It was in those moments though, that I realized that we’re not living without Rylie – she is in our hearts. I feel her presence every single day. As I decide if I’m going to hurriedly look away so I don’t have to make eye contact with the person that is trying to get in line at the same time of me. As I look at the piles of work that need to be done, next to my husband, son or a friend that could use a little extra human connection. As I see myself reflected in the mirror and start to nitpick tiny details that are not relevant if I’m doing the right things with my life.

So it is in that spirit, of Rylie in our hearts, that we are seeking to make more memories. To build more moments with each other that will last a lifetime.

We can’t see Rylie touch the ocean for the first time. But we can touch the ocean, with her in our hearts – celebrate the way we would know she would as the water splashes around us. We can find joy in the bubbles of the surf and chase the water line. We can sit on the sand digging for little crabs. We can look at the sunset on the water and know that she is there with us in spirit.

In living these moments through her eyes, we are also creating new memories with the three of us – just as I know she would want us to do. We are not ‘moving on’ – we’re not leaving her behind us – we’re moving in tandem with her on our minds and hearts guiding us through this land of the unknown. We’re taking her spirit of kindness, of unfettered joy, and living each moment a little more like she would have.